


looking in

by decidingdolan



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: M/M, spoilers Christmas ep S3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-12-08 08:29:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/759276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decidingdolan/pseuds/decidingdolan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poetry. Thomas reflects on Jimmy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	looking in

I wouldn’t ask  
Why I worry about you  
(more than I should, more than it’s good for my own sake)

I wouldn’t ask  
Why, to me, attraction works its way against repulsion  
(useless)  
Why I push myself towards you  
When I should have stopped   
When forgetting is as a foreign concept to me as giving up  
When you

gold hair, clear eyes  
that naïve, foolish arrogance

long fingers threading the keys

(I would never)

shiver to share a room with me

it’s   
acid on wound, they say

when have I listened?

wishful thinking  
is all

silence takes   
over  
from distance

and I don’t mean  
(I honestly don’t)  
to upset   
you

mocking winks, sly voice  
that charming, deceiving smile

(always, always for them and)

not meant for me

I’m a hopeless case  
give it up  
I’m the one who got away  
from ones I did not want  
the one whose heart crumbles into itself   
because the world hasn’t allowed it to blossom

I’m not for you

(this whisper is faint,   
and I shouldn’t wish it louder  
to drown the flickering hope)

I’m not for you

and you wouldn’t ask

you wouldn’t 

why I’m still here

why I was there for you when you have gone out of your ways  
(that I know you couldn’t have done on your own,  
let’s face it, love)  
to get rid of me

for now  
(maybe)  
you in a chair, newspaper in hand,   
glowing eyes

warmth

no disgust, no discomfort

beside me on the bed  
(my sick bed—I have perfect rights to curse, but I wouldn’t. Not on you.)

for now,  
a simple, “I’d like it if we could be friends,”  
answered,  
a promise “I can manage that,”  
from you

seems enough

for now.


End file.
